Sunday, January 26, 2014

Armed EPA Water Quality Agents Seek To Identify INDIVIDUAL Twitter Users with Diarrhea

As strange and crappy as it sounds, you now face the threat of fines and arrest from the Federal government for using your toilet if you have diarrhea.  The EPA is setting up the legal foundation and technical capability to send armed EPA agents to enforce water quality violations against individuals with the squirts.

From  D--BPA for Twitter

Solicitation Number: RFQ-DC-14-00044
"[The EPA] is conducting a study to develop the use of social media to identify individuals in the United States that are suffering from Acute Gastroenteritis Infections (AGI)." 
"The following example search terms are considered evidence of AGI: Stomach flu, stomach bug, stomach ache, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. These as well as other terms and various attributes (e.g, geotags, dates, etc.) will be supplied"
The purpose of EPA's effort is to identify individuals with communicable water born spread diseases and correlate their self reporting on Twitter with the results of water quality testing. The effort appears to be in support of a Rule by the Environmental Protection Agency released on 02/13/2013. The National Primary Drinking Water Regulations: Revisions to the Total Coliform Rule

Of course just because the EPA thinks it has the right to raid your home because you have a case of the squirts, doesn't mean they will really do it, does it? On the other hand, don't we all feel safer knowing that the EPA can now track down self identifying Typhoid Mary wannabes in real time?


  1. So what alternative is offered if you happen to have the 'squirts'? Just crap in the corner?

  2. They'll target peoples septic systems for mandatory upgrades, same with city sewer systems. Probably implement some sort of squirts tax etc. Maybe ObamaCare will prescribe / require affected people to have bio-hazard camping toilets. Wont happen overnight, but your kids will have to put up with it.